Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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