I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
