There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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