its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
