it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
