Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
