I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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