A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
