i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
