i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she looked like the before picture.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
