Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
