he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
