I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize