He uses pillows to masturbate.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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