There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
