Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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