Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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