I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
