but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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