oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
