go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
