Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
