East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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