Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
