Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
