so that wasnt chicken after all
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
