She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
