I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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