Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
