Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
