Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
