i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
two words...techno handjob
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
