Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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