Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize