So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize