I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
