people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
