I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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