she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
