so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
