I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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