There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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