My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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