I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Randomize
