Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
