i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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