What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
