So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
