Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
