Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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