so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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