so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
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