i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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