Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
