she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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