If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
