i wish starbucks made bloody marys
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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