He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
