Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
