Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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