I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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