All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
