it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
