Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
