McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
