who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
