I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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